Meet the characters in this brief video:
Lights fade up on fossils embedded in rocks. One by one, the fossils transform into living dinosaurs. The chorus sings At the Dawn of Time.
All exit except for Bert, a hadrosaur. Looking upward, he says, “Strange. There’s a new star in the sky. It’s very bright. Hmmm.”
Contrary to most speculation, these dinosaurs seem to get along well. When they are not eating each other, they love to party and sing about their beloved homeland Yucatan
Soon, a T-Rex sneaks up, dons a flat straw hat, and launches into a cliché-ridden re-election speech. As usual, Premier Rex Hoodwink, will be acclaimed. (The only other candidate was recently devoured.) Ugh and Rip, two thugs from the Tarsands Boys, flank the Premier. They work the room to make sure everyone cheers. Soon most go off for free food at Hoodwink Re-election Headquarters.
Bert, who has been tossing various things into a pit, picks up a large wooden pestle and beats and mixes. Betty and her friends (the Stonettes) try to convince the workaholic Bert to have some fun: Oh Bertie! The vocal part of Betty in this demo is by Linda Hendry.
Suddenly, the volcano erupts and blows out red-hot lava, some of which lands in Bert’s mortar. This momentous event is highlighted by the band playing Also Sprach Shave-and-a-Haircut:
The smoke clears. From his mortar, Bert raises up an enormous honey-glazed donut.
Poppa Tops, aka PT, a triceratops and ruthless mobster, arrives. Puffing on his trademark stogie, he watches the critters go crazy for this new thing. “Hunks of dough that drive them nuts! I love it! Bert, I want the recipe for this… this ‘donut’! I’m going to make a million of these suckers!”
Imagining a glorious future with millions of donuts, the crowd carries the hapless hero Bert offstage as they sing All hail the donut!(no demo yet)
At the Gravel Pit, four bulb-headed pachycephalosaurs are busting up rocks into gravel with their heads. They take turns telling terrible dinosaur jokes as they sing T-T-T-Tough to be a Dinosaur:
The Tarsands Gang arrives in the quarry. Rip, Ugh, Bron, and the moll Steg introduce themselves with a raunchy blues number We are the Tarsands Boys (no demo yet)
Soon PT, along with Spinner, his VP of Communications, join them. They change the sign from “Bust ‘Em Up” Gravel Corp. – Powered by Dino-mite!” to “Chow Down Corp. — Donuts of Ex-stink-shun!”.
PT sings a stirring anthem about a glorious future, where his donut shops are on every street.Location, Location, Location (no demo yet)
Poppa Tops and his entourage go off to The Big Bang Club, to launch the Chow Down brand!
During an introspective moment, Bert contemplates existence and wonders about the Rhyme and Reason. The vocal in this demo is by Doug Jamieson and the violin is performed by Terry Ball.
Bert notices that a log has fallen across a rock. He sits on upper end and is surprised when the opposite end goes up. Bert scrambles from one end to the other, but every time he pushes one end down, the other pops up. He sneaks up on one end, leaps on it, only to see the other end go up. Soon the frustrated Bert collapses on the ground.
Steg arrives and sings her signature song — performed in this demo by Marion Hawley — about how guys inevitably dance to her tune: Steggy’s Tango
Steg sets her sights upon Bert, who is sitting nearby scratching his head about the log on the rock. Steg offers to help. Bert gets Steg to sit on one end while he tries to get the other end to stay down. Instead, it functions like a teeter totter. Steg suggests that Bert drop a boulder on one end, while they both sit on the other. Bert tries this out but it causes the two of them to go flying. They land in a heap together.
At this exact moment, Betty enters and blows her top. “So this is what you’ve been up to? Experimenting? Huh! It’s over with you! Extinct!”
Presently, Poppa Tops, Spinner and Bron arrive to pick up the recipe. PT offers Betty a job at The Big Bang Club. He chews out Bert for not inventing anything new. In his defence, Bert mentions his new log-on-a-rock invention that makes things fly.
PT stops dead in his tracks. “Did you say ‘Fly’?” He sees himself as a solid hardworking triceratops, stuck on the ground, watching the “smug, beaky grins” of all those pterodactyls flying above him. He insists on trying Bert’s invention. Bert cautions him, but PT will have none of it. For his flight, he is going to drop something really heavy on the other side. All eyes move to the lugubrious Bron. Ignoring Bert’s protestations, PT gets Bron to jump from a nearby cliff. But just as he leaps, we take a break for…
Where is PT? Bert hides his head, knowing he’s in for it. Bron is confused. He looks all around the lever, but can’t figure it out. Spinner points up at the triceratops legs waving high from out of a tall tree. PT shouts “Get me down!”, so Bron takes a run at the tree—a very slow run—and knocks it down. There is a scream and a crash. An angry PT, with branches embedded in his horns, fires Bert and quickly exits with Spinner and Bron.
Betty and Bert’s relationship is on the rocks. He is upset about Betty working for Poppa Tops and she is fed up with his apparent two-timing. Before going their separate ways, Bert and Betty sing Better Think Again
In a forest, a group of herbivores rhythmically chant as they munch on leaves. Ugh and Rip enter, start their dino-saws and cut down the trees to make way for the new donut factory.
The terrified herbivores seek the help of Premier Hoodwink. He invites them all for free donuts at Re-election Headquarters and gives them some bafflegab advice in Can’t See the Forest for the Trees (no vocals on demo yet)
Bert is dejected. He lost Betty and his invention of the donut has caused an environmental calamity. He asks Why?
Betty’s Mom—whose dialogue is peppered with lines from retro pop songs—tells Bert she fears for Betty at the Big Bang Club. “Nothing but bad eggs, junk food and rock and roll!” She assures Bert that “Betty still loves you and you know that can’t be bad!”
When Bert resolves to rescue her, Betty’s mom says “Oh, I hope you can bring my baby back home to me!”
Bert arrives at the notorious Big Bang Club, where many tragically O.D. on donuts. Spinner, the emcee, sings a song about geological upheaval as global cosmetic surgery Do the Continental Drift
Next he introduces Betty, better known by her stage name Bomboloni. She has put on weight, wears a bleach-blond wig, and is decked out in a costume resembling a honey-dip with sprinkles. The crowd goes wild as she launches into her disco hit: Chow Down — performed in this demo by Linda Hendry.
Towards the end of the song, Betty works the room, flirting with the customers. She is surprised to come face to face with Bert, and tells him to “Get out of here for your own good!” But Bert causes a scene. Just before the bouncers toss him out, he shouts, “Betty, I love you!”
Back at home, Bert licks his wounds for failing. He swears “I Wouldn’t Take Her Back!”
Suddenly, Betty returns, expresses her love, and Bert abruptly changes his tune. They resolve to to get hitched and, in a tender duet, Betty expresses that she wants to have eggs with the smitten Bert who wants to fertilize them too: Bert and Betty
Time passes… Bert smokes his pipe, reads the paper; Betty knits; a feathery milkman delivers fresh milk; a boy drops off today’s paper. After several repetitions, the knitting is longer, and Bert runs to get the midwife. Before long, Betty hands Bert an egg in a bundle and points at a nest. More time passes. Bert now sits on the egg, smoking his pipe and reading the paper. Betty’s knitting is really long. Finally… the egg hatches!
Bert is perplexed. Why does his son have wings and feathers, like an archaeopteryx? Betty assures Bert that “everything will turn out fine”. They both agree — in this demo featuring Doug Jamieson and Linda Hendry — that Evolution Gets It Right
At Chow Down Head Office, Poppa Tops, and his VP’s hold a board meeting. Good news: market share reached 95%! Bad news: profits down 95%! It turns out that hoards of dinosaurs are dying because they no longer have nutritious leaves in their diet.
PT sums up: If they replant the forests, there will be more dinosaurs, but they won’t be able to manufacture as many donuts, and they’ll lose customers. If they don’t replant the land, they can continue making millions of donuts, but there won’t be any dinosaurs to eat them and they’ll lose customers.
“Well gentlemen, the choice is clear. We give the directors a generous severance package, liquidate the company, and declare bankruptcy.” PT leads the board members in an inspirational anthem: Owed to Bankruptcy. The part of PT is sung by Neil McLaren.
Election day has arrived. The volcano is heating up and the sky is darkened by storm clouds. There is chaos and violence. With no food and no jobs, riots have broken out. Some fight to the death over what turns out to be an empty box of donuts.
Nonetheless, Premier Hoodwink continues his campaign. He claims that things can only get better. The townspeople, on the other hand, think it’s going to get A Whole Lot Worse!
Poppa Tops arrives and instructs Hoodwink to proclaim that no creatures are allowed to leave Yucatan—especially the feathered ones. PT announces that his new company will be a guaranteed success, thanks to government subsidies. Bert overhears that the new business is Yucatan-Fried Achaeopteryx! He is shocked.
A reign of terror has begun. Bert and Betty witness the TSB’s dragging innocent archaeopteryxes away. They must send their kids Archie, Trixie, Obie, away to safety immediately. The kids protest, but agree to leave. In a moment of calm, Trixie leads the family and the denizens in song: Written in the Stars
The kids reluctantly take to the sky and Betty and Bert watch them fly westward. Minutes later, Rip and Bron arrive to abduct the children. When Rip sees the kids flying off, he resolves to fly after them and take them down. While Betty distracts him, Bert ties one end of a vine around Rip’s leg and puts the other end under Bron’s foot. When Rip tries to takes off, the vine is pulled taut, and he crashes over the edge of the cliff. Bron leans over the cliff, intending to help Rip, but falls on top of him. Both perish, making quite a mess.
The kids have now flown over the mountains and are out of sight.
Poppa Tops, Spinner, Ugh and Steg arrive. They discover the demise of Rip and Bron. Before they can take revenge, Bert points up at the asteroid he has been tracking. He tells them that time in Yucatan has run out. PT and his entourage, in a panic, make a futile effort to escape to PT’s cave. Betty and Bert touch. There is a flash of light, an explosion, and, in a frozen, dreamlike motion, the dinosaurs move into their original fossil positions.
In modern times, a mother, father and three children walk through an exhibit of fossils. A museum security guard, casually tells them, “Closing time folks.” The youngest child lingers for a few seconds at the Betty-Bert fossil, before running off to join the rest of her family and leave the museum.
Fade to Black